“I can see the details of my children’s smiles, their beautiful skin, their hair, in a way that I could not appreciate until now,” explained Dr. Alan Golston, Tacoma cardiologist and cornea recipient.

A young man in swimming trunks hams it up on the beach with his friends; a father looks out from a family picnic, laughing at something the viewer can’t see; a teenage girl smiles, with all the giddy promise of being 16: one of the most touching moments at Partners in Life, the Northwest Tissue Services and Northwest Lions Eye Bank’s donor family recognition ceremonies, is a video slide presentation of donors’ pictures.

As Judy Grogan, the daughter of an organ and cornea donor who often speaks at the gatherings says, “We all know the word ‘forget’ is not in our vocabulary.” In the broad range of faces that momentarily lights up the darkened room, families see that they are not alone, sharing searing tragedy and soaring hope.

Their loved ones’ life-enhancing gifts have allowed literally hundreds of tissue and cornea recipients either to see again, or walk without pain or a limp, or simply to go back to work, healed from a debilitating back injury, confirming Grogan’s assertion that, “You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”

Every fall, the Northwest Tissue Services and the Northwest Lion’s Eye Bank host regional gatherings in Seattle, Spokane and Montana for families and friends of donors. In addition to serving as a collective memorial service, the ceremonies recognize families’ great contribution to others’ lives.

Shari Fowler, Tissue Services lead donation specialist, explained to the audience at the Seattle-area gathering last September, “What keeps us going is you. You are the people I talk to at two in the morning at the worst time in their lives, who are doing something so incredibly generous. I just wanted to say ‘thank you.’”

This year’s Seattle-area ceremony at the Newcastle Golf and Country Club in Bellevue carried on the tradition of bringing families together on common ground. In a banquet room just off a spacious stone terrace with a 180-degree view of Lake Washington, the Seattle skyline, and the Olympic Mountains beyond, relatives of some 40 donors – a total of 175 people – came in tribute to their family members and friends. They also heard a cornea recipient and two donors’ family members share their experiences on both sides of the donation process.

The video presentation of donors’ pictures accompanied a candlelighting ceremony. Families and friends brought small collections of mementos and photographs to set up as tributes on the room’s perimeter. A display from the Donor Memorial Quilt Project decorated the walls. At the end of the gathering, families and friends ate a buffet lunch and mingled. Many exchanged addresses and e-mails.

“It’s an opportunity for donor
families to share their grief, but
also to see hear and see firsthand
how much their gifts mean to recipients,”
says Candy Wells, Tissue Services
hospital services supervisor.

“These ceremonies give us a chance to give back to our donor families,” explains Candy Wells, Tissue Services hospital services supervisor. “A vital part of our mission is to show our gratitude and support for these remarkable individuals. Even families who can’t attend participate by sending photos of their loved ones for the slide presentation or contributing quilt squares.

“It’s an opportunity for donor families to share their grief, but also to see hear and see firsthand how much their gifts mean to recipients. We hope it is helpful in the healing process. It truly is one of the high points of our year.”

At the Seattle-area ceremony, Dr. Alan Golston, a Tacoma cardiologist and avid photographer, described how his eyesight deteriorated over the course of 27 years. Keratoconus, a disease causing the abnormal thinning of the central part of the cornea, was slowly eroding his vision.

“I could no longer focus a camera, no longer see an eagle soar or a whale breach. The details of life were gradually being erased,” he explained. He had to stop performing certain cardiac procedures, and, after consulting with his opthamologist, realized that a cornea transplant would be his only hope.

On his 49th birthday three years ago, “I got the greatest present I could ever wish for, my first cornea transplant. I never realized how bad it had gotten until it got better.”

But Dr. Golston also never forgot, that “my gift resulted from someone else’s tragedy and the courage and selflessness of their loved ones in donating their corneas.”

Dr. Golston intimately understands the great benefit of donation from his work. Several of his patients are heart-transplant recipients, and several more are on the waiting list. He told the audience he had seen firsthand how a heart transplant had transformed the lives of his patients.

“I recognize the value of organ donation and transplantation both personally and in the grateful recipients of a donated heart, which transforms a bedridden heart failure patient into a joyful grandfather, a hard working CPA, or a grateful sports fan,” he said.

After his second cornea transplant last year, Dr. Golston “truly realized how indebted I am to all of you. I now have true binolcular vision. I can focus a camera. I can read the scoreboard at a Mariner’s game. I can see the constellations in the sky and recognize a double star. I can see the details of my children’s smiles, their beautiful skin, their hair, in a way that I could not appreciate until now.

“For each and every one of you, there is someone like me. You have changed lives through your gifts. I know that I speak for everyone who has benefited from a transplant. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.”

Another speaker was Rodney Fiddaman, an Australian on a nine-month assignment for Boeing in the Seattle area, whose wife, Doris Turner, died suddenly of brain aneurysm last July and donated her kidneys to Washington state men. Fiddaman’s discussion of grief was poignant but punctuated with humor.

He then spoke of how he and his wife had talked about donation before her death, and so he took comfort in his decision to donate.

He also stressed the importance of talking to loved ones not only about the general decision to donate, but about exactly what one wants to donate: corneas and specific tissues and/or organs.

If individuals sign up on the Living Legacy Registry, accessed online at livinglegacyregistry.org, family members will have confidence they are following their loved ones’ wishes. The registry allows individuals to specify what they want to donate. Donation agency staff can access the information if need be.

The final speaker was Judy Grogan, whose mother, Mary Grogan, died suddenly nearly seven years ago of a brain aneurysm. Grogan was able to offer even more heartfelt advice and comfort: “That which life asks of you is also life’s gift to you. It is hard to see that gift through these challenges sometimes.”

An appearance by members of the Leschi Elementary School Choir rounded out the program. The choir has performed locally for Nelson Mandela, Harry Bellafonte, and at Seahawks, Sonics, and Mariners games. Some twenty grade-school children, dressed in white shirts and dark pants or skirts, channeled their exuberance on this sunny fall Saturday into singing Wind Beneath My Wings. They backed up their director, accomplished vocalist Debbie Cavitt, whose compassionate performance obviously touched the audience.

One man, who had come in memory of his wife, a tissue and cornea donor, rose to his feet for a solo standing ovation. “That was so uplifting,” he said afterward. “You go some places and people are absorbed with only the tragedy, only the tears. It’s great to be able to look and remember the good things, too, and feel hope for the future.”

Donor Family Gatherings were also held in Spokane and Great Falls in September and October. The 2004 Seattle-area ceremony will take place at the Newcastle Golf and Country Club on Oct. 2. A DVD of the 2003 Seattle-area Donor Family Ceremony will soon be ready, free of charge. A free DVD of the 2002 Seattle-area ceremony is also still available. Videotapes of both ceremonies are available as well.

In addition, contributions to the Donor Family Memorial Quilt Project are welcome. The quilts measure five-by-five feet and are made up of 12 squares.

To order a DVD or videotape or to learn more about the quilt squares or the 2004 ceremonies, contact Tissue Services Lead Donation Specialist Shari Fowler at 1-800-858-2282 or sharif@psbc.org.